You Don’t Need to Know the Answer

[Dave Baldwin]

We live in a scared, angry, and confused world right now. There are a lot of business owners struggling to figure out how to sell their products. There are unemployed people struggling to find work. The struggle is almost always unnecessary; there are millions of people who simply haven’t recognized the nature of the real problem. We have a tendency to look for answers and solutions, when in fact, what we need is a connection.

A connection is not a sales lead, a business card, or a phone number. A connection is not a Twitter follower. A connection is not an opt-in to an e-mail distribution list. A connection is heart-to-heart. You know you’ve made a connection when somebody says, “I’m listening,” “I’ve got your back,” “I believe in your vision,” “I care,” or “Is there any way I can help?”

I remember one particularly dark evening in 2009. I was in complete distress. My finances were a disaster. I had no idea what I was going to do. I remember talking to a close friend who lived in Atlanta. She asked me what was going on. I quietly told her that I was scared to death, and I started crying. She didn’t say anything for that moment, but it was a deep and meaningful kind of silence. I don’t remember what was said after that or how the conversation went. But my friend revealed herself to be a true friend. She didn’t have the solution to my problems, but she empathized with me so fully and so completely that I no longer felt like I was alone. In that moment, I felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders.

There have been other times when my true friends have helped me indirectly in this same way. I can’t explain exactly how it works, but when I don’t feel alone with my problems, it’s like my personal power comes back on after a blackout. I stop feeling sorry for myself and start thinking clearly again. I stop thinking about doom and gloom, and I start seeing clear, practical action steps. I stop sinking into the quicksand and I start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

In 2007, when I started to get out from behind the computer and connect with people, I was able to see new meaning and purpose for my life. It was these simple connections that motivated me to change my eating habits, lose 40 pounds, and stop smoking. I didn’t find new answers or solutions. I just discovered a new reason to make use of the answers I already knew.

It’s unfortunate that people go to business networking groups and never move past the superficial cocktail-party shallowness of “what do you do?” conversations. Frankly, I’d be happy if no one ever asked me “what do you do” again. My closest friends don’t need to ask me for a business card, because they already have my number in their phones and I already have theirs. In my opinion, the purpose of any networking activity—or any group, for that matter—is to create deep connections and drive those connections deeper.

Deep connections save lives, restore marriages, build trust, and fulfill dreams. Those are the kinds of connections we all need more of. The next time you find yourself wondering how to solve a problem, consider what would happen if, instead, you focused your energy on deepening your connections. I promise you that if you deepen your connections, the answer will present itself. It will be a better answer than you ever would have come up with on your own.

[Leslie Flowers]

Great blog Dave. We never need to know HOW. All we need is WHY and the how shows up!

[Fred T. Gruber Jr.]

Great article!

[Dave Baldwin]

I wish I had a "like" button for both of your comments :)

[Mary Jo Sheerin]

Great article. Thank you so much for sharing!

[Edward Anderson]

Great article and why I often refer to my networking as investing in people. In doing so your investment will always have a positive outcome. Networking is such a broad category with so many levels. This is the very reason for such a broad range of individual results. When someone says they have not been getting the results they want. I often say increase your investment and commitment in a meaningful way. If you cannot measure your ROI get a mentor who can help you learn how to do it. Learning how to navigate a professional relationship is really no different than learning to do so with personal relationships. I agree, you do not have to have the solution or even a response to every situation or obstacle someone is facing but being sincere and caring about people does reflect well on anyone. Regardless of "what you do".

[Dave Baldwin]

Thanks Ed! I am looking forward to having you be part of our startup BNI chapter knowing that you "get" what networking is really about. Thanks for taking the time to read my post.

[Stacey Shanahan ~ Community Mgr.]

I enjoyed reading your article Dave. Great Share! And oh so true!