Failing Well

[Megan Cutter]

Recently, a friend forwarded me the speech J.K. Rowling gave to Harvard graduates entitled The Fringe Benefits of Failing and the Importance of Imagination.

Why is it so hard to think there are benefits to failing? As a child, I was conditioned to think I was supposed to be perfect, and the inability to live up to those standards created a vicious cycle of insecurity and doubt, which only recently I have been able to look at and move through. I was taught that failure was wrong and believed there was something wrong with me.

It's so hard to look at the benefits to failure, especially when we have invested so much of ourselves, given 110%, put it all out there. Failing well is hard. Yet it gives us the opportunity to learn on several levels. Let's face it, there are places where we can improve, and we have the chance to look at those places and work on them. The outcome may have had nothing to do with us, in which case trusting that the right time, the right train will come along. And then we are asked, how much do we want this? If the first avenue didn't work, how many more avenues will you seek before calling it quits? Can you persevere through this loss or hardship?

In 2001, the loss of a relationship and the death of my mother sent me reeling into fear, doubt, sadness, anger. I began training in martial arts and went back to creative journaling classes, which gave the tools to flow through the chaos I was experiencing. I would have not been where and who I am now without those experiences, so I am thankful.

There is a beautiful song by The Poozies called Another Train that is a reminder that there is another path for us, it just may not be the one we expected.

[Christina Thompson]

Great post!
As a musician I've had to learn to fail and to make mistakes...and to make both sound good! Failure is an amazing teacher, but you're right, sometimes it can be hard to keep going if you're not successful. Thanks for the reminder that the trains never stop running! :)

[George Ellwanger, DC]

Dittos.
Great post and great comment by Christina.
Before I started this incarnation of my practice, I had a learning experience with another practice. It was a combination of my poor judgment, poor timing in those judgments, and several other factors under my control that caused the first practice to fail.
One important thing that did happen is that I never blamed anything or anyone else for that failure, otherwise I would not learn from it. It is important to take responsibility for the mistakes that caused the failure and rectify them. That's the only way to learn from them. Other people and outside events are things that I can't control, so blaming those events or people for my failures, takes the whole learning opportunity out the window. Nothing could have been learned from it.
It is equally important to not take on the problem as being you. I think a lot of people do that. They say things like, "I am a failure" or "I am just not the right person to do this," or they use the words "I can't" way too often. It is not the person who is the failure, it is the venture; that particular attempt that failed...that time.
Christina's right on the money when talking about mistakes being a necessary learning experience. I am still trying to get up the guts to try some jazz soloing, but given the opportunity, I will. Those who are willing to play the wrong notes for the given chord changes will play more correct notes the next time. One of my former teachers said, you have to be willing to "step on it" a few times and grow from the experience. (I'm not quite sure what one is "stepping on" in that instance.) Nobody gets up in front of a crowd and blows a perfect solo the first few times. A lot of seasoned professionals will blow wrong notes, but then compensate for it later in the solo, or on another one. I've heard many experienced amateurs and professionals clam notes and entrances on stage and in recordings.
Life is a GREAT gift and journey. The path along the way can be rough, but the roughness makes the end, the objective, that much more enjoyable.
Thanks guys!